News: The Onion buys InfoWars
Genuinely the most satisfactory, delicious little news segment in years. DELICIOUS!!
For those of you who live under a rock, satire news publication The Onion has bought InfoWars, far-right conspiracy theorist Alex Jones’ media empire.
The Onion is known for lampoons such as ‘No Way to Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (a recurring piece that is published after every mass shooting in the U.S.) and my personal favorite, Jurisprudence Fetishist Gets Off on Technicality.
Alex Jones is known for being such a consistently outspoken and wrong conspiracy theorist that Knowledge Fight, a podcast dedicated to analyzing and critiquing InfoWars, is now on its 981st episode.
One of these conspiracy theories—that the mass school shooting at Sandy Hook was a hoax—led to the harassment of the victims’ families, who sued Alex Jones for a $1.5 billion settlement. Jones was forced to liquidate, InfoWars was sold at auction, and The Onion bought it.
Alex Jones is trying to halt the sale and has asserted that Elon Musk will be getting involved.
Fashion: Horned Escoffions
I’m very convinced that medieval caps will soon be having a renaissance1.
The signs are there! Princess Irulan’s stunning series of chainmail coifs in Dune II, the cover art for Chappell Roan’s Good Luck, Babe, everything about Netflix’s tragically underappreciated adaptation of The Decameron.
I will say it! 2025 shall bring us florid, gauche, stunningly overdramatic headwear.
At least on my head it will.
Uzbekistan: Women Who Kill exposé
In 2023, only 21 women were defendants in Uzbek murder cases. Niginakhon Saida published this absolutely stellar dive into who those women are, how they killed, and why.
All of the murders described were gory and obvious—15 were committed with knives, 2 with axes, one with a brick.
There were no murders from women who had killed in a slightly more subtle or no-witnesses way. Makes you think.
see what I did there?